Grasping For Air Read online

  Within her family, I suppose she is.

  “There’s more you’re not telling me, D.” I know he’s hiding something, and I don’t like it.

  Dimitri

  Fuck. I thought I was hiding it well. Keeping secrets isn’t something we’ve done before. Not like this one. But the more I think about Carver’s words, the more I know it to be true. Daniel and I, we’re meant to be, and if I’m right, Nika is meant to be ours, too. I just haven’t told Danny-boy.

  I know he has feelings towards the girl, but he hasn’t wrapped his head around it yet, and I want him to be the one to figure it all out on his own. I know the kid. I know what he’s thinking before he does half the time.

  “Not hiding anything from you, kid.” I look away from him because having him so close and not touching him is nearly fucking killing me.

  “Yeah, you are,” he counters. “You only call me kid when you’re deflecting.” Perceptive bastard.

  With six hours left before we land in Russia and night falling, I have no interest in arguing with him. “We’ll talk at the hotel.” He glares but says nothing more.

  Leaning my chair back, I close my eyes. I know I won’t sleep, but it’ll get me out of his line of questioning.

  Like usual, I’m tossed back to that day. The day he died. When she left. When my life felt like it was falling apart.

  Danika left.

  Danny-boy was dead.

  My world cracked wide fucking open, and I was left floundering.

  The stuttering of the beeps as the doctors gave up. When I pleaded with Daniel to wake up as I confessed my feelings to him. It dropped me to my knees.

  I’ll never forget when his eyes opened, and his bleary stare met mine. The shock of what I must have looked like reflected back at me as the doctors struggled to accept what was happening.

  Daniel was alive.

  He came back.

  And I’m still left wondering if he knows what I said.

  I love you, but we need more.

  The words replay in my head every night, every hour, every second of every fucking day. They’re there. Always there.

  The only thing I don’t know is if he feels the same way. If he ever could.

  3

  Danika

  I was a supposed princess within my family. An abandoned one, at a young age, but a princess nonetheless. I sure hadn’t been treated as such in the French orphanage that I was left in. A place where I understood nothing. Not the language, the customs, beliefs. Nothing. The only thing I did know was that at four years old, I was left to fend for myself in a world I didn’t belong in.

  The worst part was remembering an overwhelming feeling of love before then. My parents didn’t think I’d recollect my life with them. They were just trying to protect me. And Viktor has been helping me assimilate since finding me on the streets of Paris at fifteen after I’d run away for the final time.

  I hated it in the orphanage. I tried to learn the language, to fit in, but nothing ever worked, and I was treated like a slave.

  When they wanted something cleaned, I was forced to do it.

  When the other kids were angry, they’d beat on me.

  When someone wanted to explore their budding sexuality, I was tossed into the room.

  I was leftovers. Touched and unclean.

  It was either leave or kill myself because I was never letting another person touch me again.

  Viktor finally showed up after months on the streets, and he brought me to America, where he promised me a good life. One where I would be safe. Kodiak was assigned to be my guard. Because of him, I believed in my brother.

  When I turned eighteen, Viktor displayed our family life before me and why our parents left me. I vacillate between resentment and understanding.

  Back then, our family wasn’t ruling the country. Back then, our family had been simple townsfolk struggling to make ends meet. Our father was a butcher that was used for more than chopping meat.

  The Mafia made him slaughter people…entire families. If he refused, they would use my mother as leverage. They raped her, beat her, left her in the streets naked.

  That was when my parents knew they must run. They had to leave me somewhere that no one would find me. Viktor was already in America, sent to live with our babushka before I was born due to the chaos of what was happening at home.

  When they were killed just weeks after leaving me in France, Viktor had already turned sixteen and went on a rampage with Kodiak and Nikolai. They came home, tore apart every safe house the organization had and ruined everyone in their way.

  It was on the kingpin’s deathbed that he confessed to sending a man after me, to make sure I died, too.

  Viktor tortured him for hours because no one knew where I was, not even my grandmother. My parents had taken off in the dead of night when they were certain they weren’t being watched and left no trace of where they’d gone.

  From what I understand, the man’s death ended in a beheading that was well deserved.

  My brother was left to clean up the streets after that. Stabilizing the region and, unintentionally, taking on a role that he wasn’t fully prepared for. He made many enemies because of it. Including the men who currently have me locked away in the cellar of my parents’ old butcher shop turned whorehouse.

  I only wanted to come home, seek out my heritage. Find out more about my parents and their lives.

  Vik warned me that I might not be welcomed by all. Even though he now rules the land with an iron fist, people may remember the destruction he caused beforehand.

  Viktor is not a nice man. Like the Adairs, he lives by his own set of rules. Commanding the ranks with complete control and never asking forgiveness.

  But these men, I don’t even know who they are. Only that they wish to harm my brother. They think I don’t understand them when they speak German, but I do.

  I know they won’t give me back, even if he pays them what they want.

  They plan to torture me until I die and then send me home in pieces.

  I should be more afraid. I acknowledge that I should, but I know my brother. I know Kodiak and Niko. I’m confident that between the three of them, they can obliterate an entire organization should they so choose. And since they’ve spent the past three years protecting me, I have no doubt that’s exactly what will happen again.

  The only question is, will they get here in time to save me?

  Daniel

  Russia in the summer is hotter than I expected. From the looks we were getting at the airport, we’re going to have to do better at fitting in. In our hotel room now, Dimitri has gone in search of Danika’s room while I try to configure out where she is.

  Tracking her movements on CCTV here is harder than at home. The security walls are built to keep spies out. Even ones who are only looking for a single girl. Before I can hack into the system, I have to make it look like we’re in another country. It takes a bit of work, but I’m finally able to do it, and I can see Danika as she left the hotel a week ago. Walking to the grocer’s down the block, and even standing in front of a church on her way back.

  What I’m shocked to find is that she was abducted in broad daylight. People are moving along only feet from her, and they act like it’s an everyday occurrence. Not one tries to help her as she fights for her life.

  “Fucking assholes,” I mutter as Dimitri walks through the door.

  “You got it up?” He rushes over just as one brute knocks her out with a single blow to the head. “They’re dead. All of them.”

  “I agree.” Zooming in on the license plate of the van they tossed her in, I have to wonder how smart these idiots are because they don’t bother to mask it, and we have a partial plate number.

  “Can you track that?”

  “Maybe, if it’s registered, but with only half the letters, don’t hope for much.” Hopping out of the CCTV program, I go in search of the country’s DMV database and the van’s owner. “You find anything in Danika’s room?”r />
  “They trashed it. All I found was her diary. Figure it might give clues if she felt like she was being watched.” Glancing over, I see he’s got a light purple book in his hand and indecision on his face.

  “You gonna open it, D?” I watch as he looks up to me.

  “She’s gonna be fucking pissed.”

  “Not if it helps save her life.” Our eyes meet, and he opens it before looking down again.

  Dimitri remains quiet while he reads, and I continue my search for the owner of this van while running one of the faces from the camera through facial recognition. When my results finally come through, I can’t help but be disappointed that the plate got us nowhere.

  “I fucking did this,” Dimitri growls from behind me. Turning, I see his dark head bent over her book, and his fists are white-knuckled with his anger over something he’s reading. I go sit next to him on the bed, our legs touching, and he still doesn’t move as I lean over to see what he’s reading.

  Grabbing the book from his hands, I don’t believe him. What I do know is the pain Danika felt when she left.

  We both did this.

  Dear Diary,

  I never thought I would have it, that all-consuming love that the books and fairytales speak of. I never knew I wanted to feel it. I didn’t think a girl like me could. But with him…them…I do.

  Dimitri is so hard. On himself mostly. He hides behind this stone-cold mask of danger and doesn’t let anyone in. I think he let Daniel in, though.

  I think it’s why he’s in so much pain over Danny. He doesn’t believe he’ll wake up. I know it’s because of Meadow’s rescue that he got hurt. I almost wish I knew Daniel before his injuries. I wish I’d been able to see his smile, I bet it would have been beautiful.

  Dimitri never smiles, but I bet Danny does all the time.

  I bet if he were awake, he’d make sure we were together.

  The three of us.

  Dimitri, Daniel, and Danika has a nice ring to it.

  I fell in love with them. I don’t know how it happened or when, but I did. For weeks, I’ve watched Dimitri watch Daniel, and I know he loves him, too. I’ve seen Daniel twitch here and there when Dimitri speaks, and I think it’s significant. I could never say anything, though. No one would believe me.

  Leaving was for the best. Without Daniel, I don’t think Dimitri and I could ever be whole. I don’t think Dimitri could love me without him.

  Who am I kidding, Daniel probably wouldn’t have been able to love me either. If life has shown me one thing, it’s that I can’t be loved by a man outside my family. Being molested for years, experiencing the cruel things this world is full of, and I know even when I love them both so wholly, they couldn’t possibly accept me for more than a good time. I’m damaged goods. Nobody wants that.

  I’ll never forget you, Daniel. The feel of your hair between my fingers. The way I could talk to you for hours, and even though you couldn’t respond, it still felt right.

  I hope you find yourself again one day, Dimitri. I know Daniel dying broke you. I heard it in the way you screamed. The anguish was so clear for anyone listening.

  I pray, one day, I’ll meet you both again.

  “Christ. It’s like she knew we’d read this shit,” I mutter.

  “How the fuck did she fall in love?” Dimitri whispers in awe.

  I know better than to mention what she believes. Dimitri will either deny it or avoid it. If he were to deny it, I’m not sure how I’d feel, so I leave it alone.

  “That van came up a bust,” I say instead. We need to find her. It’s imperative she know I’m not dead. I need her to know I feel this weird connection, and that even if he denies it, Dimitri does as well.

  “Fucking hell.”

  “I’ve got facial recognition running, but I sent a picture to Vashchenko, too. Maybe he knows these guys.”

  “Where’s their old shop?”

  “You think they’re hiding her there?” Moving back to my computer, I search it out. “It’s a fucking whorehouse now.”

  “Who holds the deed?”

  After an extensive search and a few stone walls, nothing pops up. “Shell corporations. Call Vashchenko, ask him if he knows.” It stands to reason he might know.

  “Fucking voicemail,” Dimitri grumbles, tossing his phone on the bed. “I’m going to shower.” I watch his back as he leaves the room, and I wish that things were different. That we didn’t have to jump through these fucking hoops to start living.

  Watching faces flash across my computer screen, my eyes cross as water runs, and I grab Danika’s diary again. Reading it repeatedly, trying to gain clues. To find out more about her.

  Laying against the headboard of the bed, I absorb her words like a wet sponge. Eager to know more with each stroke of the pen. Her emotions bleed onto the pages like paint on a canvas.

  I feel her.

  Her wants and desires.

  Her cravings.

  Her need to have Dimitri and me together. The three of us as one unit may be an out-of-the-box idea, but for who and what we are, I think it would work.

  Closing my eyes, I fall asleep to the sounds of water running and thoughts of a future for the three of us. As one.

  “Match.” An automated voice registers in the back of my mind. “Match.” My eyes slowly open as I feel a warm hand placed across my abdomen. Looking over, I see Dimitri spread out, holding me with tightened fingers. “Match.” The computer software calls again.

  Slipping free from the bed, I walk over to see a clearer picture of the man who knocked Danika out cold on the screen. Snapping a shot of it on my phone, I go to send it to Viktor when I see a text back from him already about the previous picture.

  “D,” I shake his leg to wake him up. Knowing this is what we need to find her. “Get up, call Viktor, I’ve got to run another search.” “You found him?” His voice is husky as he stands and dresses.

  “I’ve got a name, at least, Viktor says it’s one of the lieutenants in the Haggen family.”

  As Dimitri makes the call, I keep searching the family that Viktor says has taken her and find out they have a few safe houses in the city, with another dozen scattered across the country.

  After relaying that information to Dimitri, we find out that Viktor sold the old butcher shop to a Russian family that is now deceased. All their assets are now in the same name as the corporation.

  “Can you track them, Daniel?” Viktor asks over the speakerphone.

  “Working on it,” I reply distractedly. “Anything you can give me to connect it to the Germans?”

  “Haggen is also a Scandinavian name.”

  “That’s it!”

  “Care to fill us in, Corelli?” Viktor asks.

  “The company is Scandiman Corp. Haggen is a German family name, but with it also having Scandinavian lineage, this makes sense. I’d bet my life they own this place.” I don’t bother looking up as I continue my search. “You still got men here, Viktor?”

  “Da.”

  “I’m sending you a list of places owned by this company. I suggest a little door busting.”

  “See you in a few days, Viktor,” Dimitri says.

  “With my sister, Petrov. Alive. My men will call with a location to pick up weapons.” The phone clicks and the room quiets as I get floorplans of the old butcher shop. Luckily for us, the upgraded ones are found easily enough.

  “You ready for this, kid?” Fucking hate when he calls me kid. I’m thirty years old, not some young punk.

  “I’m ready, D. Are you?” I know he’s got a lot on his mind, some I wish to fuck he’d share with me.

  Dimitri

  Danny-boy watches me covertly from his place at the window as I gather everything we’ll need before picking up the weapons Viktor has waiting for us. I know he has questions; he knows I’m avoiding talking about what he wants.

  What he doesn’t understand is that I don’t think Danika’s alive anymore. If I confess to him, and we don’t get her back, w
e’ll both be broken shells of the men we are. Calling him kid keeps him at a distance when I’m feeling vulnerable, and I know he recognizes what I’m doing.

  With a plan in place to go in at night when it’s busiest and guards might be distracted, Daniel thinks she’s being held in the basement. With cold storage and a bomb shelter down there, I think he’s right.

  After loading what we need into the sports car we were provided with, I take a moment to center myself. Closing my eyes, I say a quick prayer that Nika will get out of this, and nothing else happens to Danny-boy.

  So many fucking regrets.

  Letting Daniel go into that fucking boathouse.

  Kicking Danika out.

  Not owning up to myself.

  Before Daniel walks out of the hotel room door, I grip the back of his neck. Standing behind him, I lean my forehead against the back of his skull, my chest touches his back, and I confess what I’ve been running from since the day I met him.

  “Nika’s right. She knows. She watched me,” I whisper into his hair, silencing when he holds his breath. “I know you heard me. It’s why you came back.” He spins then, his eyes ablaze with something I’m not sure how to interpret. “Us. You and me. Her. She’s for us.”

  Daniel’s eyes close, and I have this sudden urge to… My lips land on his without thought. This fucking man. He came into my life when I was questioning everything. He brings me light when I feel dark. The spark, it’s there. He’s there, with me. Kissing me. It’s hard, brutal. I regret nothing. Daniel is meant to be mine. Danika is meant to be mine. I’ll kill for them.

  When he drops to his knees without a word, I couldn’t be more shocked. As he unfastens my belt, I only watch. Words aren’t needed as he shows me, without a shadow of a doubt, how he feels even if he’s unsure of what he’s about to do.

  His blue gaze shines bright with confidence. When he’s got my jeans down and my cock exposed, a shudder works up my back, and my legs grow weak. Leaning back against the wall, I wait for his first touch.