Until Arsen Read online

  “You ever see something you want and decide to just go for it?”

  “Umm, well, I bought this car,” I say, not sure where he’s going with this.

  The way he bites the side of his lip draws my attention there. I have tunnel vision where he’s concerned it seems, and his face feels closer.

  “You got the car; I want the girl,” he murmurs just before our lips touch. I barely have time to register the act before he’s pulling me tightly into him.

  His touch enflames me.

  His lips overwhelm me.

  His body engulfs me.

  Sweet heavens.

  This man.

  He could be my everything.

  If only I weren’t meant to have nothing.

  Arsen

  Fireworks.

  This must be how they feel when they explode. The first touch is soft then quickly turns explosive. Marina is a slow burn of fire as she accepts my kiss. Her little moan, the one she tries so hard to stifle, makes me grin against her lips.

  “That’s my girl.”

  “Your girl?” she asks in a husky voice she doesn’t recognize.

  “Let me take you for dinner,” I eventually respond. I have the feeling she’s the type of girl who likes to be given the choice even when I know I’ll be having the final say.

  “Okay.” Her eyes remain closed as she licks her lips slowly, making me want to take another taste. “But, later on.” She points back to the house I just dragged her out of. “I was invited. I should stay for a while first.”

  Licking my lips, I size her up. She’s small, sweet, and hot as sin. I’m huge, arrogant, and probably intimidating her. Running a hand across my mouth roughly, I’m torn between my need to have Marina to myself and letting her get to know me.

  “Alright.” I reluctantly agree but am rewarded with a stunning smile as she looks up to me. I tighten my grip on her fingers, though. If I’m going to suffer through sharing her attention, I’m damn well going to do it with her hand in mine.

  “Interesting,” Nico mumbles as we walk back through the door. I shoot him a glare, and he turns away, not doing a very good job at masking his amusement.

  Marina, tugging on my hand to either get free or to follow her, I’m not sure which, has me ignoring my friend and following along anyways. She leads me into the backyard. The noise level is nearly deafening again.

  Spotting an empty lounge chair, I guide her to it. Sitting against the back, I pull her down between my legs. She’s stiff, at first, but relaxes when one of Nico’s twins, Willow, I believe, comes over to us.

  “Talon thinks you’re pretty.” She giggles, brushing her fingers through Marina’s glossy hair.

  “Well, thank you.” Her soft voice is filled with awe and something else.

  “Momma says you have pretty eyes, too.” Willow’s fingers trace Marina’s face. “But they’re too sad.” I sit up straight at that; my eyes glued to her expressions as Willow talks. “Daddy says you need a man. Momma tells him to be quiet.” She leans in to whisper. “Only she uses the not nice voice.”

  Marina’s laughter is forced as she says, “Your Momma is right.”

  “So, you’re not sad?” The little girls head tilts curiously.

  Before Marina can answer, Sophie calls to her. She waves her over to a group of women that are all staring and smiling at us.

  I let her go reluctantly. Whatever it is Willow saw in her face has clearly gotten under her skin. I can wait for more. We have forever.

  Marina

  I don’t know what I’m doing. Why I’m here. Why I stayed. I don’t know anything.

  It physically hurts my heart to see so many kids loved so thoroughly. To see so many happy couples sneaking light kisses, holding hands, stealing looks full of love.

  Why are you here, Ari?

  I shouldn’t have come. When Willow asked me if I was sad, I almost cried because, yes, I am terribly sad. I don’t think I’ve entirely processed my loss. It’s only been a year, and yet, it feels like a lifetime.

  I just don’t understand life sometimes, I guess. I had everything going for me, and now, there’s this black hole waiting at the edge of a cliff in my heart. It hurts to breathe through the pain.

  I can feel Arsen’s eyes on me during the rest of the party. When Nico and two other men drag him away, relief and disappointment wash through me, equally. The attraction I feel for him isn’t something I’ve encountered before. It’s new, fresh, exciting. Sophie told me she thinks I should go for it. That he’s an incredible man.

  She’s been privy to all my fears, my unreasonable thinking. She confessed to me that it was why she had Talon ask me to come tonight, knowing it would be difficult to say no to the sweet boy. She was right. It was hard. Harder still at the hope in his eyes when he asked.

  Talon and a few of his classmates have been the sweetest this evening, acting like cute, little servers carrying trays of food around the party. Holding out chairs for their moms.

  I’ve never seen so much love in one evening.

  I’ve never felt so much envy burn inside me.

  “Hey, Sophie, I’m going to get going now. I have to pack for my visit with my parents next weekend.”

  “Oh, sure.” She looks around distractedly. “Thanks for coming, Marina. I know you didn’t want to, but everyone loves you. This celebration is as much for the success you’ve given our kids as it is for them to ring in the summer.”

  “I know.” I lean in to hug her. “Thank you for everything. Have a great summer.” I hurry out before she can stop me and convince me to stay longer.

  Digging through my purse for my keys, I run into a brick wall of muscle as I step off the porch. “Oh!”

  “You owe me dinner,” is rumbled above my head. Arsen’s piercing gaze swallows me whole. I did promise him dinner. I suppose it won’t hurt; I didn’t eat much during the party.

  Chapter Three

  Arsen

  “I’ll follow you,” Marina murmurs with a shocked expression on her face at the fact that I’m waiting for her. I’ve watched her for the past two hours, evading me like a rabbit does a fox. Her sorrow every time she was left alone for a moment was palpable. I felt to my soul her desire to experience something she deems unattainable. I don’t know what it is just yet, but I’m hell-bent on finding out.

  “How about I follow you home, then we’ll drive together the rest of the night.” My offer is only customary. I have no intention of not finding out where she lives tonight. I’m also not letting her drive further than her house.

  She blinks like she’s processing my words and the hidden meaning behind them. Her mouth opens and that perfect pink tongue darts out quickly before she closes it again. “Alright,” she finally agrees.

  Taking her keys from her, I open her door and get her buckled in before starting the car for her. “Drive safely,” I instruct, kissing her neck lightly before she can dispute what I just did.

  Jogging back to my truck, I wait for her to pull out and follow her the short fifteen minutes to her tiny apartment complex. Once she’s parked in her designated spot, I get out of my truck and wait with the passenger door open for her to come over. Marina still has a puzzled expression on her face as she climbs into my vehicle. Grinning at her, I close the door. I think I’ve confused her more because I don’t buckle her in this time.

  Rounding the hood quickly, I’m in the truck and lifting up the center console before she can put her seatbelt on. Grabbing her thigh, I pull her over to the middle seat and wrap the belt across her body. I click it into place before doing my own.

  She looks from the passenger seat to me and back again before she finally asks, “What was wrong with that seat?” Her petite body fits perfectly against mine. Because of her smaller frame, her legs aren’t crowded by the control panel, and I can touch her.

  “Nothing. It’s a perfectly fine seat,” I say, pulling out into the light traffic. “For a friend.”

  “I’m not a friend?” she asks, pr
ocessing my words.

  “Nope.”

  “Oh.” She sounds disappointed. I can’t tell her just yet that she’ll be much more than a friend. She’s not ready for it. I can feel her watching me as I drive, my hand still settled on her thigh. Her subtle shifting in her seat doesn’t go unnoticed by me. I like that I’ve got her nervous. It means she’s aware of me.

  I’m not sure of her food preferences, so I take her to a little café my partner Rod takes his wife to and raves about. They serve every kind of soup, gluten-free crap, salads, and hearty sandwiches. There has to be something on the menu she’ll like.

  “Here we are,” I say, looking to her to find the most adorable scowl on her face. Rubbing my thumb up the center of her forehead, I smooth the lines out. “You keep pouting like that and it’ll leave a mark.”

  Her frown deepens. I chuckle and shake my head as I open the door, helping her out of the vehicle. She follows along quietly, and I wonder, briefly, if I’ve over-stepped some imaginary line with Marina. Fuck do I love that name. As soon as the thought hits, I dismiss it. She hasn’t pushed me away yet, and until she does, I’ll keep going full-steam ahead.

  “Detective Daniels!” I hear a feminine voice call as soon as we enter the café. Marina’s hand in mine stiffens, so I ignore whoever’s calling me and pull the woman at my side into my arms.

  Burying my face in her hair and neck, I breathe in her scent. She’s like that first day of spring, full of life and fresh as a lily. “Damn girl, you smell good enough to eat.” I pull back smirking when her breath hitches.

  “Arsen?” That same voice sounds closer.

  Marina’s eyes cloud over.

  “Yeah,” I snap, turning around.

  The girl smiles up at me, ignoring Marina completely. “Do you remember me?” Her face is eager.

  I’m not one to forget faces very often, but I can’t place her. “Nope.” If it weren’t for the fact she knows my name, I’d walk away.

  “Rod and Emily set us up on a blind date last year.” Her grin turns predatory as she steps forward.

  It finally clicks. All she could do was talk about herself. I think, throughout the entire evening, I spoke about a dozen words. That led to her talking gossip and other shit that I tuned out. There was a reason it was only one date. Go fucking figure she’d be here today of all damn days.

  “Right. How are you?” I don’t even remember her name.

  “Fabulous. I’d love to go out with you again. It was such a memorable evening for me.” Her smile is so wide I can see her molars.

  “Obviously not for him,” Marina mumbles from beside me, and I have to stifle my laughter.

  “Oh, hi.” The nameless woman looks snidely at Marina. “You must be his sister.” This chick couldn’t buy a clue.

  And I’m fucking done with this now. “Girlfriend, actually.” I tug Marina closer to my side.

  “What?” They both gasp at the same time.

  “See you around,” I reply as I guide Marina to an empty table for two in the corner. I have zero desire to be near that woman any longer than necessary.

  I can hear her huff and foot stomp as she leaves, and I roll my eyes. Concentrating on Marina as she watches the woman walk away, I try to assess how she’s feeling now. If she were reluctant before, I could only imagine she’s not too impressed now.

  “Got a fan, huh?” Her tone is neutral.

  “No.” I look out the window. “Just someone who wanted different things than me.”

  “But she wanted them with you.” It’s not a question.

  I shrug. “Maybe.”

  “What is it you want, Arsen?”

  I hold nothing back. “You.”

  Marina

  You. The word reverberates through my mind on repeat.

  You. His voice, the possessive growl in the single word makes my skin tingle.

  You. Sweet heavens, I’d be lying if I didn’t want that, too.

  Even with the desperate girl’s attempt at ending our evening before it began, I’m still drawn to Arsen. He calls to me in a way I’m unfamiliar with.

  “Does that, umm, happen a lot?” I ask with a small smile, half teasing, half curious.

  Scowling, his gaze strays to the door I assume the woman left through. “No. Rod, my partner, and his wife set me up on a blind date, and to get them off my case, I went. I don’t even remember her name.”

  “Do they do that a lot?” Could Arsen be as lonely as me?

  “First and last time, actually.”

  “Hi there.” A perky waitress interrupts before either of us can say more. “Can I start you off with our specialty drink of the day?” She grins at us both. “It’s a wonderful blend of vanilla, cacao, and mint topped with whipped cream and a sprinkle of powdered sugar.”

  “That sounds delicious.” I smile at her. “No caffeine?” I found out a few years ago my heart doesn’t like the extra jolt.

  “Nope.”

  “I’ll take one of those then, please.”

  “Make it two,” Arsen says, his eyes never leaving mine.

  “Be right back with those and to take your order.” She leaves and, even as noisy as the café is, quiet surrounds us in its cocoon.

  “Not a coffee drinker?” he asks.

  “When I was born, I had a heart murmur that turned out to be nothing I couldn’t live with, but as I’ve grown, there have been a few things I can’t have. A few years ago, coffee and caffeine made their way onto that list. My heart beats too fast on occasion, and sometimes, it skips a beat or three.” I try to joke about it, but it had been terrifying before I knew what was going on. “So, anything with chocolate or cocoa I have to ask. Tea, too.” Looking down, embarrassed by one of my many medical conditions, I tell him, “I don’t actually eat out very often because of it. I’d like to see tomorrow, you know?”

  His hand reaches across the table, gripping mine. The warmth, the understanding, the safety in the small act warms my heart. “Sounds like it was scary.” His perceptive understanding has me looking up to him slowly. “I don’t imagine it was anything you were prepared for.”

  “It wasn’t.”

  “What do I do if it happens?”

  Floored, I stare at him for a moment before recovering. Rolling the sleeve of my sweater up, I turn on my apple watch and say, “If it starts going haywire, I have Ativan in my purse. One goes under my tongue. I can do that myself, normally. But just in case.”

  He looks thoughtful as he processes my words. It’s a lot for anyone to take in, especially on a first date. Is this a date? I haven’t been on one in years. It feels almost foreign.

  “Anything else?”

  “How do you mean?” Lord, I hope he’s not asking if there’s anything else screwed up about me.

  “Is there anything else I should know to help you.”

  “No, that’s pretty much it.” Everything else is biological. Nothing left to hurt but my heart.

  “Here we are.” The perky waitress is back again as she sets our drinks on the table.

  Before I can get mine, Arsen grips onto it and stares up at the woman. “You’re positive there’s no caffeine?” Oh, hell.

  “Yes, sir. We use raw cacao powder versus cocoa. Cacao doesn’t give the same effects as caffeine would to the system. It’s not the same jolt to the heart, basically.”

  Surprised at her answer, I ask, “How did you know?”

  “My grandma can’t have caffeine; she’s got a bad ticker. I helped come up with this drink and served it to her first.” Her grin is full of pride.

  “Thank you.” Lifting the cup to my lips, my eyes close at the first sip. With just a hint of the mint mixed with vanilla, the cacao is smooth on the palate without being too sweet. It’s the whipped cream and sugar that gives the bitterness some sweetness to combat it. “Wonderful.” A sigh escapes me.

  My eyes open to see Arsen’s intense gaze studying me. “I’ll say,” he murmurs.

  A clearing throat interrupts the moment. “Wou
ld you like to order now, or should I come back?”

  Laughter sparkles behind the gold in Arsen’s eyes. I feel a scorching fire begin to creep up my neck at our small display. He brings out a wildness in me I’ve never felt before. I only wish it weren’t so public.

  “We’ll have two specials.” He orders, and I can’t say that I mind.

  “Don’t you want to hear them?” Amusement laces the waitress’s voice.

  “Nope.” She walks away at his response.

  “So,” I say trying to break the awkward feelings rolling through my core.

  “So.” He mimics with zero intention of helping me out.

  I look around the restaurant, not ready to dissect the scorching looks he keeps flashing me. This is such new territory for me. Before my accident, I didn’t really date. I’ve always been a shy girl, not really fitting in with other adults around me, usually saying or doing the wrong thing. After the accident, I got worse. Everywhere I went, I saw pity in people’s stare.

  Moving to Tennessee from Arkansas after I’d finished college a year early, I was lucky to be offered my very own class fresh out of school. The move was an easy decision to make. Being an only child to busy, working-class parents meant I didn’t leave my parents at home lonely.

  After the accident, my mom had spent a month with me once I was released from the hospital, and Sophie had become my saving grace after that. She was always popping in on me. Making sure I had everything I needed. That I wasn’t lonely. It also gave me such a wonderful opportunity to spend some time with not only Talon but a few other classmates as well.

  My kids were always angels. I truly lucked out my first year of teaching. I think a lot of that had to do with most of the parents being aware of what happened to me.

  I’d only been in town a week when I was t-boned on the driver’s side at an intersection. The impact nearly ended my life. If it weren’t for the quick response of Sophie, Nico, and the rush of first responders, I know things could have turned out much worse than what they are now. I know I could be paralyzed, or worse, dead.