Grasping For Air Read online

  “It can,” Dimitri whispers into my neck as he kisses my fluttering pulse.

  “If you want it to,” Daniel murmurs against my lips as he claims them.

  I sigh against their assault on my body. This is what I’ve wanted from the moment I laid eyes on these men. What I’ve dreamed of for weeks on end.

  Their attention.

  Their claiming.

  Their love.

  Yeah, Dimitri, Daniel, and Danika most certainly still has a nice ring to it.

  5

  Dimitri

  I never expected her to melt in our arms. To accept what we have wished for since Daniel woke up.

  After reading her diary, I knew she would be open to it, but never did I think she’d accept it so freely, so easily.

  After putting her to bed once we had her stitched up, she begged us to sleep with her. Her words slurred like she was drunk. Waiting until she fell asleep, we both slid from the bed, knowing if either of our bodies fell on her while sleeping she’d be in a shit-ton more pain than she is now.

  “You think she’ll be okay to fly in the morning?” Daniel asks me as I stare out the window.

  “I think we’ll have to make sure she is. Keep her distracted so she can’t make a scene.” I smirk, thinking of all the different ways to accomplish that.

  “Both of us?” He stands, walking over to me. I can see he’s thinking along the same lines as I am. People will stare.

  “I don’t fucking care about society,” I bark, annoyed just thinking about the judgment.

  “Neither do I, but people will remember a threesome coming through.” Fuck. I hate when he’s right.

  “I don’t fucking care. We want her, Danny-boy, then we can’t hide shit. She can’t think she has to choose when we’re in public.” I won’t be ashamed of us, and I sure as shit won’t let them be either. I look at him, and for the first time, I see what the fight in that basement did. He’s a little pale, and pain lines crease his forehead. “He fucking hurt you?” I’ll go back and gut every one of those motherfuckers.

  “I’m fine, D. Just waiting for the meds to kick in.” He winces when I reach for his shirt. Pulling it up, I see he’s bruising already.

  “Fuck sakes, Daniel,” I snap, pushing him back to the couch. I may not be a doctor, but I’ve had enough training to know that even after more than two months since his kidney was repaired and healed, he’s still in fucking pain.

  “Did you see the way she responded?” He ignores my censure.

  “What?” Poking around his wound, I want to make sure he isn’t tender beyond the visible bruising.

  “When she was between us. Did you feel her respond?” Fuck yeah, I did. Holding the two of them in my arms brought me more pleasure than I’ve known in my entire life.

  “Hard not to.” She melted into our arms.

  Pushing my hands back, Daniel sits up straight, ignoring whatever twinge of pain hits him. His bold stare meets mine as he asks, “What is going on with us, D? For months, I’ve felt like we’ve been dancing around something here, and I haven’t a fucking clue what it is.”

  Without moving from my kneeling position on the floor, I place closed fists on either side of his knees as I straighten to answer him. “We…are us. I don’t know how else to fucking explain it. I don’t know if our tension is sexual attraction for each other or the desire for more.” Before he can say anything, I talk over him. “What I do know is, that woman in there”—I point to the half-open door—“is ours. She makes us whole. Complete.”

  I can see Daniel wants more. He has more questions, and after earlier, I know I do, too. And it’s then that it hits me. Bending forward, I get close to his face. With just a deep breath our chests would touch. “Do you want me, Danny-boy? You have a desire for me to fuck you senseless?” I’m only half kidding. I’ve never allowed myself to go there before. I didn’t want to desire the unattainable, but now that the seed is planted, I don’t think I can let it go so easily.

  Without answering, he closes the distance between us and wraps one hand around my neck. His tight grip helps control his movements as I kiss him back. His lips are soft, yielding, while my cock grows harder. My tense muscles loosen, and I gain control as I push him back into the sofa.

  Crowding his body, I rise up, so my knee is pressed between his legs, and I slip a hand into his hair. Tugging the strands, I bend his head backwards and deepen the kiss, taking more than he was giving. I want no mistakes on what my intentions are.

  “You ever been with a man, Danny-boy?”

  “No.” His gaze narrows on me. “Have you?”

  I smirk before I answer. “Not once.” I don’t give him a chance to say more. I’ve never been a man to ignore my instincts, and right now, they’re screaming that no matter what, this is right. We are right.

  Breaking the kiss, I pull my shirt over my head and drop it to the floor. Whatever happens in the here and now, we’re going to be taking Danika together, and we need to get used to touching.

  “Can you picture,” I say, breathlessly. “Sliding in and out of her, taking her from behind. Feeling my cock sliding with yours.” I grab his hand and place it on my hardened dick. Just the image I’ve created has me ready to explode with the need to fuck.

  “Fuck,” Daniel hisses. His hand squeezes my length, and I fight not to let the pleasure overwhelm me. It’s been way too fucking long since I’ve sunk into a body I want. One I’ve dreamed of for weeks on end.

  Sliding my hand up his thigh slowly, I feel no rush to give into my desires until we’ve both reached a pace we’re comfortable with. Daniel’s head drops back, resting on the edge of the couch as I feel the length of his cock, freezing at the heated pulse bursting through his jeans.

  Biting my lip, I lean forward and whisper in his ear, “One day, I’m going to fuck my cum into her then take a dip inside of you while you fuck her.”

  “Shit!” Danny-boy mutters, reaching forward to grip my hair.

  “One day, we’re going to fuck inside her sweet little cunt at the same time. Our cocks touching, rubbing back and forth. You’ll feel my heartbeat and I yours.”

  “That sounds hot,” a husky voice says from the doorway we’d left open. Danika is standing there, arms crossed in nothing but a little tank top. A look of utter fascination on her face.

  Danika

  I don’t know what woke me up, but a deep moan drew my attention, and despite the pain I’ve been in, I wanted nothing more than to explore the noise.

  Seeing Dimitri on top of Daniel, kneeling over him with his shirt off and Danny’s hand on his cock, brought forth an unknowing need for more. More of them, more of what we could be.

  “What are you doing out of bed?” Dimitri asks as he stands and walks over to me.

  “I heard a noise.” I shrug as he looms over me.

  “You should be in bed resting.” His snarled words don’t scare me.

  Leaning up into him, I’m stopped by the pull in my leg from the stitches he gave me. “I’d much rather be in between the two of you.”

  “Fuck,” Dimitri growls just before he picks me up and carries me over to sit on Daniel’s lap.

  “Mi amore,” Daniel murmurs into my hair as he buries his face in my neck. “You’re okay with this, with us?” He asks the question, but I can tell from his voice that he doesn’t care if I am. I have no choice.

  A choice I would easily say yes to anyways.

  Dimitri kneels over us, his voice deeper than usual as he says, “She’ll take whatever we give her, and more. Won’t you, Nika?” The grip he has in my hair pulls my head back, so I meet his gaze.

  I’m helpless to say anything but yes. His mouth crashes over mine in a brutal kiss full of rapture and ownership. He only wants me to submit to him. To give him my body.

  He’ll take my heart.

  They both will. Have, already.

  Breathless, he pulls back, turning my head for Daniel’s eager lips. He’s no less punishing in the way he takes me. His
tongue tangles with mine, and once he has me where he wants me, he bites down.

  It should hurt, mercy should it ever, but I feel pleasure, my core tightens, and my breasts feel heavy. I mewl with desire as their hands freely roam my body. I get lost in their touches, their moans, my shivers. It rolls through me like tidal waves from an angry sea. There’s nothing gentle about the way they make me feel.

  Daniel has a softer side I couldn’t be happier to bear witness to. He gives me the love I crave while holding me hostage with the need I can see brewing behind his stark blue eyes.

  While Dimitri is violent in his lust for me, I never know where I stand with the man. He takes everything from the both of us and gives very little of himself in return. I want to crack his walls wide open. I want to see inside of his soul, and until he accepts that he deserves what Daniel and I are offering, I don’t think either one of us will gain access.

  Both of these men worship my body in a way any woman would desire but very few are lucky enough to receive. I’ll treasure the two of them for the rest of my life. I only hope I’m not giving them any more than what I’ll receive in return.

  “You’re too hurt for this,” Dimitri bites out when I hiss as I clench my fist, forgetting, momentarily, about my broken fingers. Never in my life have I wished for drugs more than now.

  “I’m fine, Dimitri,” I try to tell him. He won’t listen though.

  “You’re not. You need to heal first.” A darkness lingers in his gaze as he stares at my injuries, the bruising is bright against my light flesh.

  “He wants more than your injured body can handle right now, mi amore,” Daniel tries to reason with me.

  Exhaustion overtakes my body quickly as I come down from the carnal high they were moments away from giving to me.

  “Come to bed with me then?” I look between them. Daniel nods, Dimitri looks torn. “Please.”

  Resting his head against mine, he responds, “I can’t control myself around you, Nika.”

  “I don’t want your restraint, Dimitri, I want your love.” I have to look down, so he doesn’t see my disappointment when he inevitably tells me I can’t have it.

  Lifting my chin with his finger, in a move full of more tenderness than I thought he was capable of, his lips land on mine as his stare bores into me. “You already have it, Nika. From the first curse to the last, you’ve always had it.”

  My breath catches, and I don’t know what to do with that statement as a lonely tear slides down my cheek.

  “You’ve owned him far longer than you’ll ever know,” Daniel murmurs as he leans his head against ours.

  Daniel

  If someone were to tell me ten years ago that I was contemplating sharing a woman with another man, loving another man, I’d have shot them. I was never one to share anything. Prison didn’t afford that luxury.

  With Dimitri, I’m making all types of concessions, and I feel nothing but peace about it. The idea of Danika being ours, belonging to the both of us settles something in my soul because after what’s happened already, I know she’ll always have someone to take care of her should I eventually die. She won’t be alone in this cold-hearted fucking world with no one to lean on. She’ll never be alone.

  This thing with Dimitri should have been more shocking. That first time his lips touched mine, his hand knotted in my hair, I knew without a shadow of a doubt that it was right. I don’t know what we are to each other beyond partners, but there’s a tension between us we’ve only just begun to explore. At first, it was shocking, but not. It felt right. Like it was meant to happen.

  “Stop thinking so much, Danny-boy,” the man in questions says quietly as Danika sleeps between us. She refused to go to bed without the two of us by her side.

  With everything that’s happened the last few days, I can’t say I blame her. Our trip to London starts early in the morning, and Viktor called earlier to tell us he’s got men keeping the Haggens from chasing us. They’re hitting all of their safe houses and businesses to get them shut down again.

  He was pissed to discover how much control the family still had while he’s been in America. Can’t really say I blame him too much either.

  “Think she’ll still want this when we get back home?” It’s been on my mind for a while now.

  Dimitri laughs. “She won’t have a choice. She’s already embedded in my heart, and I ain’t letting her or you go. Get used to it.”

  I’m glad one of us has faith. Even as cold as D might seem, I know he gives a damn. He cares about her…us…me. The problem we’re going to have is him showing Danika that he isn’t just an asshole. That he goes deeper and feels more than she knows.

  I saw the doubt in her gaze earlier, the fear of us not reciprocating her feelings, and eventually, if D doesn’t open up, it’s going to ruin us before we even get started.

  I can admit my own faults. The fear of everyone at home rejecting who and what the three of us are. Not knowing if they’ll be disgusted, if they could handle us together. Losing my place in the empire, the trust and family I’ve grown to count on. It would destroy me. But it’s a risk I’ll take because Dimitri and Danika are more than worth the chance. They’re everything I’ve searched my whole life for.

  6

  Danika

  They watch me. The both of them. With a deep intensity that makes my body light up from the inside out. The flight from Moscow to London was long, exhausting, and took more out of my injured frame than I thought possible.

  I hate myself a little for what I let happen. For coming to Russia when I knew better. So many regrets leave my heart shattered because if they ever find out the truth of why I came, they’ll hate me.

  They’ll hate my weakness.

  They’ll hate my lack of control.

  The reason behind my actions…everything.

  Losing Daniel, it broke something inside of me I never knew existed. His flatline took everything from me. My hope, my light. Dimitri’s anger, while misplaced, made me feel like I wasn’t worthy.

  Of them. Us. Life.

  Watching Meadow go through the motions with Carver, seeing her heartbreak and happiness whenever he was around had been what gave me hope for more with these men. When it was stomped on, shattering my heart, I was ready to give up. I wanted to come home, find a connection to something I’ve never known. Remembered.

  My family.

  I have Viktor, now. But five years of distance from my brother doesn’t mean I feel the familial connection I was hoping to find when I came home. The life I had always been missing flashed in front of me when I met these two men, and the despair was so overwhelming when it crashed down.

  I’m twenty, I should be having a blast at college, living my life to its fullest, experiencing all those moments I’ve seen in those teen movies. Instead, I’m broken, beaten down, and tired.

  “Mi amore.” Daniel’s hand on mine, mixed with his sweet words has my head turning as the plane lands with a hard bounce. “What’s on your mind?” My gaze roams his face with natural affection as I contemplate an answer. His soft eyes, easy smile, and dimples as he grins at me makes me wish for something I can’t quite identify.

  “Home,” I answer. Unsure of how to tell them the truth. That I ran over five thousand miles away to find peace in a death I knew would come when I set foot in my home country.

  He stares at me, absorbing the lack of emotion in my single word, trying to decipher what I’m feeling. I wish I could tell them. Explain how devastated I was. Hell, still am.

  Dimitri may have thought he lost Daniel, but what about me? I lost them both. And in his grief, I wasn’t even a thought. I was nothing.

  I’m always nothing.

  An afterthought without worry of where I’d be and what shape I’d be in. The Haggens may have broken me, would have tortured me further too, and I’d have been nothing but another mixed-breed woman who died a painful death in Moscow’s criminal ring.

  Viktor would have grieved, I’m sure. It’s not that
I doubt my brother’s love. I just don’t feel it. He’s always so cold, ruthless. These men are no different. They’d have had a sad moment, but that’s all.

  “Whatever has caused that sour look on your face, get it out of your head,” Dimitri growls next to Daniel.

  I know he’s angry about me insisting on sitting by the window, putting Daniel between us. He saw my move for what it was. Distance.

  I’m not sorry. I can’t be. Not until I know their motives, their intentions for coming for me. Daniel is easy to talk to. I can connect with him in a way I can’t seem to with Dimitri. He leaves me so angry I could—and have—cried.

  Our biggest problem is none of us know what we are to the other. There’s no definition for our situation. Dimitri likes control, Daniel craves peace—even if he doesn’t say it. And I? I want something of my own.

  Daniel

  A storm has been brewing since the moment we hit the airport in Moscow. It grew deadlier as we boarded the plane to London, and Danika put a gap between not only her and Dimitri but her and me as well.

  I can see the pain in her eyes every time she looks at me. The secrets she’s hiding. I thought she would open up. I kept my hands on her the entire flight, trying to give her space while showing support.

  The problem is, Dimitri keeps fucking snapping at her. And each time he does it, I see her walls growing higher. Her mind is closing us off, and I know that if I don’t put a stop to it, get D to lighten up on her, she’s going to write us off as more people who have let her down.

  I don’t need her to say it to recognize that she feels like her brother failed her. That when Dimitri hadn’t contacted her when I woke up that he had forsaken her the worst. And you know what? Maybe he did.

  “Hey, D,” I say as the other man unlocks the hotel room door, and Danika enters the room without a word. Shoulders slumped and eyes downcast.