Grasping For Air Read online

  No, definitely not me.

  Because as fucking good as they look together, there’s still something missing, and I’m conceited enough to know that it’s me.

  I’m as much a part of them as they are me.

  Sitting down on the chaise at the end of the bed, I quietly remove my boots, belt, and shirt before standing and stripping my jeans off. I wander over to the window to open it and let a warm breeze waft through the building so it’s not so stuffy, and as I turn, I feel eyes on me. Only to see both of my lovers still passed out.

  Taking a moment to look around, I wonder if someone could be observing from a distance, but even with the window way up here, there’s no way anyone would see me. Tall trees cover the back of the property and make it nearly impossible to see through clearly, let alone to feel an ominous stare.

  Brushing the sensation off, I walk over to the bed and slowly begin removing Daniel’s shoes and rolling him to his back to get to the button of his jeans. He groans, and his hand moves to lift his shirt up, exposing his flat abs and tattoos on his side. The trees are what have always caught my attention. The detail and growth from dead to alive begs for new life to be shown. Or given.

  Leaning forward as I pull his jeans down, I brush my face across his hip. The scruff from my facial hair, leaving a red mark behind as I go. It doesn’t take much to wake him as I continue to the other side, and soon, his hand is in my hair as he’s lifting his hips. A masculine moan greets the late evening air, and I hide my grin from him as I unravel every hard inch of his body. His heavy cock barely contained by his boxers leaves my mouth watering for a taste.

  Pushing any reservations my mind tries to harbor to the side, I nip him through the fabric with my teeth. Our eyes meet as a hiss leaves his constricted lips. “Fuck, D.” He exhales on a harsh breath.

  “That’s the plan, Danny-boy.” I chuckle as his eyes widen.

  Moving over to Nika, I’m less hesitant with her. I know what I want and exactly how to get it. Her sweet sighs as my hands rub across her flesh while removing her clothes have my cock pulsing in tune with her.

  “Moya lyubov,” I murmur as I kiss my way up her stomach and chest. Nipping her skin lightly, leaving small red marks.

  “Mi amore,” Daniel whispers in her ear as he kisses along her neck, rubbing his face in her hair.

  Her whispered, “per favore,” has Daniel grinning from ear to ear. The fucker. She begs please in his language, and he turns into a damn eager pup for her.

  “Tutto per te amore mio.” Daniels Italian is soft as he promises her anything.

  Danika

  Woken to light touches, soft kisses, and quiet words are more than I imagined when they finally pushed past their reservations and into our desires.

  Daniel’s promise of anything in his sweet Italian had my heart fluttering.

  Dimitri’s growled Russian as he woke me leaves me breathless.

  These stoic men, they think I can’t handle them. They think I’ll break. What they don’t yet realize is that I need them. Both of them. In me, under me, together, apart. I need them with a ferocity I can’t readily explain.

  Their willingness to give me what I ask for and so much more ingrains them deeper into my heart.

  “Eto ne budet legko.” Dimitri whispers the difficulties of us in my ear.

  “I know,” I respond back. I don’t want easy. I want hard, volatile.

  I want them.

  Everything they’re going to try and hold back and more. I want the pain, the pleasure. The indecencies. Their love. I want it all.

  Tell them, Nika. My heart pleads as they strip me completely free of my clothes. Theirs already discarded.

  Closing my eyes, I take a sharp breath and climb free of their arms. I need to declare my feelings before I can continue. I only plan to give myself to these men for the rest of my days, and I always knew I wouldn’t do that until I loved them.

  “Nika?” Daniel queries, and a smile pulls at my lips, hearing the uncertainty in his tone.

  Looking to him first, I say, “I love you, Danny-boy. From the moment I walked into that room and you were there, pale and broken. The outlook wasn’t good, but I knew that when you came out of it, I was going to love you until the end of days.” I don’t let him say anything as I turn to Dimitri. “You, you hard-headed, stubborn bastard.” I shake my head with a playful grin as he smirks. “You had me off-kilter from the first barked command. The first growl, the sexy smirk. I wanted to slap you silly just as much as I wanted to kiss you. I never knew if you hated me or loved me up until you kicked me out. Yet your pain was my own. I absorbed it like a wet sponge. I saw you, though, Dimitri. The real you. The one hiding from the rest of the world, and I knew I would love you till the end of time.” I pause as I feel a tear roll down my cheek. Acknowledging that I could have lost them both cramps my heart. “I love you both. I need…I just…I need you to know.”

  They both stare at me, their gazes mirrored in such a way I can’t tell what either man is thinking. When Daniel makes to come towards me, I drop my head, not wanting to see if he doesn’t feel the same way.

  “Look at me, mi amore.” His finger rests under my chin, but he waits until I lift my head to meet his eyes. Mine well up with tears when I see the emotion reflected back at me. “Of course, we know.” The same hand slips into my hair, cradling my head as his lips descend on mine. Just a hair’s breadth away he tells me, “You were a beacon of light in my darkest of day, Danika. You gave me hope when I was ready to fall. Believe it or not, I heard you. Every day, I would soak in your encouragement, your cries. Your laughter was addicting. You helped bring me back, amore, and there isn’t a fucking thing I won’t do for you.”

  His lips close over mine, not in possession but encouragement and devotion. Even if he hadn’t said the words back to me, I’d have felt it in this act alone. Soft, sweet, devouring. Daniel gives me everything I didn’t know I was looking for when I told them.

  Dimitri’s stare is penetrating as we pull apart. “Did you have a doubt, Nika?”

  “Yes.”

  He frowns and walks closer, pulling Daniel and I both into his arms as he takes my mouth in a kiss so gentle tears spring to my eyes again. His tongue plays with mine when I open for him, and his fist on my back grows tight with tension.

  He’s holding back.

  Giving me what he thinks I want in favor of pushing back what he needs. Tugging from their arms, I lay back on the bed behind me, raise my arms above my head and speak. “You said it wouldn’t be easy. I don’t want easy, either. I want you. Both of you.”

  They don’t hesitate. Daniel drops down on me, our mouths clashing as his hand lifts one leg to wrap around his waist, making room for his large frame to fit. His other hand grips my hair in a tight fist as he tilts my head back, opening my mouth for a deeper exploration.

  His naked skin on mine is hot with tension and desire. His bare cock against my core leaves me breathless wanting more. I want to feel him inside of me, claiming, owning what’s his.

  A slight weight pushes us further into the mattress, and Dimitri’s husky command, “Claim her, Danny-boy,” makes me cry out for just that. “She’s begging you, D. Take her, stake your fucking claim in that tight little cunt of hers.”

  “Please, Daniel.” Dimitri’s words only make me hotter. Needier.

  “Fuck.” His curse is wrought with so much strain for control. Our eyes lock as he lifts up, guiding his hardness to my aching core. A pulse beats between us a moment before he slams into me.

  Pain rips through my body as he takes my virginity, making me his own and claiming a victory no other man will know. “I’m sorry,” Daniel croons in my ear as he holds still, and my back bows off the bed while I try to breathe through the sensation.

  “You want it, Nika, take it,” Dimitri directs, his hand soothing the ache in my core by pushing my hips back down to the bed. His own naked body is plastered to Daniel’s back.

  When Daniel’s eyes widen and hi
s hips suddenly drive forward, hitting a soft spot inside me, my eyes roll to the back of my head as pleasure courses through me, stealing my breath.

  Daniel

  Shit. Fuck. Damn.

  Ecstasy races through my veins thicker than blood when I slam through Danika’s innocence. Feeling her virginity give way, seduced the caveman in me to come out and play. All I want to do is pummel in and out of her body. Show her what her man can and will do for her.

  When Dimitri’s body falls over mine, I pause for the briefest of seconds as I felt his cock nestle against my ass. Stunned, I stop all movement until he begins directing us like a finely tuned guitar.

  For every push, he pulls. He works us into such an intense frenzy that I don’t realize what’s happening behind me until he grunts in my ear, “Brace yourself.”

  Danika’s walls squeeze around my dick as Dimitri’s cock slowly pushes through my tight ring of muscles and seats to his balls inside of me.

  Fuck.

  Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine this.

  Never in my darkest fantasies did I picture the three of us so entangled in each other.

  “I bet it’s beautiful to see,” Danika whispers in my ear as her nails score down my back.

  “You fucking bet it is,” Dimitri confirms.

  I’m left reeling. I don’t know whether to push or pull. To moan or scream. I’m left in the middle of the two people I love most in the world, and all I can do is hang on for the damn ride.

  “Fuck, you feel good, Danny-boy.” I don’t think he means to say it out loud. “Better than I imagined.”

  “Daniel,” Danika cries out seconds before her cunt flutters and squeezes around me. She comes unhinged with Dimitri’s hand working between us, playing with her while I fuck her.

  I close my eyes as all these sensations leave me grasping for air. Begging for more without a single word.

  These two.

  They own me.

  Heart and motherfucking soul.

  “Fuck,” I groan into Danika’s neck as gratification washes over me, and I fill her with my seed. My cock pulses with each breath, each rope of cum, as Dimitri continues his assault on me.

  “Hold on tight, Danny-boy,” Dimitri growls in my ear just before biting it and begins to pound into me from behind. Two more thrusts and Dimitri is howling out his pleasure as he unloads into me.

  Our bodies sag into the mattress in a pile of sated carnality and indulgence. Danika has a look of bliss upon her face that I can’t help but smirk over, knowing I put it there.

  The three of us, together, like this, with nothing but harmony floating around us, is what makes our relationship unique. What encourages me to believe we’ll make it past any walls trying to block our paths.

  Dimitri

  I hadn’t intended on taking Daniel. Not yet. Not until we both indulged in Danika’s sweetness. When our eyes clashed over Daniel’s shoulder, and I saw the desire for all of us to be one, I gave in.

  I took him, and she loved every minute of it. Hell, I fucking loved it.

  Until now, this moment, with these two people, sex has been nothing but an empty dumping ground of half pleasures and drunken mistakes.

  I’ve never done sex with love or a connection. It’s only ever been to let off steam. Admitting I love these two people is both the hardest and most natural thing I’ve ever done. With them, I know I’ll always have a place in this life. With people who will love me with their dying breaths.

  No matter what the future holds, I know the three of us are soulmates, and we’ll conquer anything that comes our way.

  It’s just too bad we didn’t know it would be so soon.

  9

  Miller

  For years, I was his handler. I decided what went back to the bureau and what didn’t. I hid his crimes so he could take down the bad guys. End the trafficking ring. Save lives.

  For ten fucking years, I was his only connection to the outside world. I kept him in check. I made sure he got the job done. Perhaps I did it a little too well. Turning into a criminal was not something I ever foresaw happening, not with Petrov and all he’d suffered to be at the top of his game.

  For months, I watched and waited for his name to pop up. For Dimitri Petrov to come up on any type of radar. The crooked Russian warrants punishment for his crimes. For betraying the shield and letting criminals go free.

  Petrov deserves a bullet from my gun.

  He deserves to be in jail for his crimes, but our bosses won’t convict. They say he knows too much, did too much in the name of God and Country.

  They say he served his purpose, and they let him free.

  Dimitri Petrov will pay for his crimes by my hand, and if I have to take out his whore and plaything, then so be it.

  Dimitri

  The clicking of handcuffs alerts me to another presence in the room.

  The cocking of a gun alerts me to the danger we’re about to come up against.

  Opening my eyes, my first thought is to search out Danika and Daniel. They’re mine, to protect, to love, to fight for. When darkness meets my opened stare, I know I’ve been blindfolded. Subtly moving my hand to the space next to me, I come up against empty air. Meaning they’ve gone, or they’ve been taken.

  Viktor and King are going to fucking kill me, is my first thought.

  I’ll kill this son of a bitch, is my second.

  “What do you want?” No point in waiting for the inevitable. This person’s quiet, I’ll give him that, but I can feel his glare. I can feel the air in the room rife with tension. He’s here, watching, waiting for what I’ll do. Lifting my hand to the blindfold, I pull it down, surprised he’s allowed it, and that my hands aren’t bound.

  As my eyes adjust to the early morning light, I hear his heavy breathing. Seeking him out, I see a shadow in the door next to Daniel, handcuffed to the radiator, head tilted to the side in unconsciousness.

  “Where’s Danika?” I roar, uncaring about what happens to me.

  “In a safe place. I have to make sure you come with me.” It takes a moment, but I recognize the voice. His voice. One I haven’t heard in over a year.

  “Confirmation number?” We have a code, numbered differently each time to ensure I haven’t been compromised. After giving it, Miller, my partner and handler for as long as I’ve been in the bureau asks, “Do you have it?”

  For months, I’ve been trying to get a list of buyers from McCray, but he keeps shit locked up tight as hell. “Not yet,” I growl, frustrated my answer is the same as last month.

  My check-ins have been coming in fewer and further between for the past two years, and I can feel the shift in me. The darkness closing in, strangling my humanity.

  “I don’t know how much longer I can do this, Evans.” Admitting defeat isn’t easy for me. After eight years undercover, I’m ready to move on. I’m ready to find something positive in the world after wallowing in all this evil.

  “The director says we just need the list.” His voice is monotonic, like he’s bored of this assignment as well.

  “Yeah, then what?” Last time, it was that they needed names of bigger players. I got those. Then they needed this fucking list. I’ve failed to get that. What the fuck will be next? “You make sure they know, I’m done once I’ve got it in hand. I’m leaving and never fucking coming back.”

  “Sure, Petrov, they know.” He doesn’t sound as convincing as he’s likely hoping for.

  That day set a precedent for everything that happened for over a year afterwards. Communication drew further and further between until I was left in the dark.

  If not for King Adair’s need for vengeance and shutting that disgusting ring down, I’d have never gotten out.

  Now as I watch Miller Evans, I have to wonder. “Were they ever going to let me go?”

  As he steps into the growing sunlight, his laughter becomes louder, and I have my answer. “You were an asset they couldn’t afford to let loose, Petrov. Not until they had what they nee
ded. You know that.” Maybe I did.

  “So what the fuck is the deal here, Evans?” I get the sense he’s not working under bureau rules now.

  “You got out, didn’t you? You left, McCray was shut down. Then you turned rogue, into a criminal.” The last is said with such hatred.

  “I left,” I confirm. I sort of fell into my role with the Adairs. Hell, I don’t even know what that official role is.

  “And joined an organization just as bad,” he spits out like we’ve personally done him wrong.

  Yeah, maybe they do bad shit. They kill and hide the bodies. They sell weapons, drugs, and whores, but in all honesty, the state’s a better place for them. King keeps strict order all over the country and makes no apologies.

  If he weren’t a killer, he’d make a great politician. At least, he’s honest about his intentions.

  “Where’s Danika?” I ask again as I see Daniel stirring in place.

  Again, he ignores my question. “You know, after what happened to your family, I never figured you for the type to break the law.” Standing from the bed, I see him reach behind his back, likely for his gun. “I thought you’d go straight to the top. I thought I’d have to kiss your ass to climb my way up. Now, I’ll be promoted for bringing you in. The bureau’s golden boy turned rogue and brought to justice by his partner.” He grins like he’s got it all figured out. “I’ll be the legend now.”

  “So that’s what this is about? Fame? You want your name on a door with a pretty fucking plaque?” I snort at the absurdity of it. “You’re gonna be another fucking desk jockey for the rest of your days, Evans, and you know it.”

  His glare as he steps forward, Berretta raised, is nothing compared to what I’m going to do to him. “Where. Is. Danika?” I shout again, unaware of my nudity with worry for her on my mind.